Kids...
Posted 10-13-2008 at 11:54 PM by ostarella
Well, my son and his girlfriend are skating around the issue of getting married. 
I think I'm glad they're just "mentioning" it, and know that it's not something for the near future. Not that I'm against it. She's a very nice girl and I really like her. I'm just divided, I guess, on what I want for him.
On the one hand, I want him focusing more on his career. He's got a good job, good pay, and he likes it - but we both know it's not what he wants to be doing. I keep thinking, okay, he's 26, he needs to be doing more to get his *career* going in the right direction. And again, he knows he does, too. But at the same time (and this probably comes from all the financial problems I had as a single parent
) he's almost obsessed with having a good sized savings account, and paying off his school debts, etc. So he's concentrating on that right now. I think that's one reason I'm hesitant about this marriage idea. Because I know once he's actually married, he's going to start thinking kids (I know he wants a "normal" family, unlike what we had) - and it's going to be very hard to go into independent filmmaking when he's starting a family at the same time.
So it worries me for the long run - that he's going to do things that put off doing what he really wants to do, just because of his financial insecurities (and yeah, there's a lot of guilt on my part for "making him" that way
).
On the other hand, I've always told him that I didn't care if he was a ditch-digger, as long as he was happy. That he should live his life for the more important things. And family is more important than career, obviously. But at the same time, I know I still think about all the plans I had that were blasted out of the water because of family obligations. Not that I would trade my son for those plans, but at the same time, now that he's out on his own, I find myself thinking of where I could have been at this time in my life. And I think of all the things my folks wanted to do that they never did because of having to raise their kids.
I guess it boils down to wanting him to have it all - family and career - and I'm worried that the choices they make are going to screw up one or the other, or both.
And I have to keep reminding myself that I can't live his life for him...
I think I'm glad they're just "mentioning" it, and know that it's not something for the near future. Not that I'm against it. She's a very nice girl and I really like her. I'm just divided, I guess, on what I want for him.On the one hand, I want him focusing more on his career. He's got a good job, good pay, and he likes it - but we both know it's not what he wants to be doing. I keep thinking, okay, he's 26, he needs to be doing more to get his *career* going in the right direction. And again, he knows he does, too. But at the same time (and this probably comes from all the financial problems I had as a single parent
) he's almost obsessed with having a good sized savings account, and paying off his school debts, etc. So he's concentrating on that right now. I think that's one reason I'm hesitant about this marriage idea. Because I know once he's actually married, he's going to start thinking kids (I know he wants a "normal" family, unlike what we had) - and it's going to be very hard to go into independent filmmaking when he's starting a family at the same time.So it worries me for the long run - that he's going to do things that put off doing what he really wants to do, just because of his financial insecurities (and yeah, there's a lot of guilt on my part for "making him" that way
). On the other hand, I've always told him that I didn't care if he was a ditch-digger, as long as he was happy. That he should live his life for the more important things. And family is more important than career, obviously. But at the same time, I know I still think about all the plans I had that were blasted out of the water because of family obligations. Not that I would trade my son for those plans, but at the same time, now that he's out on his own, I find myself thinking of where I could have been at this time in my life. And I think of all the things my folks wanted to do that they never did because of having to raise their kids.
I guess it boils down to wanting him to have it all - family and career - and I'm worried that the choices they make are going to screw up one or the other, or both.
And I have to keep reminding myself that I can't live his life for him...
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The 'pursuit of happiness' - isn't that in the American constitution? Was it Spinoza who said that happiness could never be a permanent state of being, one is always reaching up to it or coming down from it, with only ever a moment at the zenith? Well somebody said it, not me!
 'Life is what happens whilst you're making other plans' - John Lennon.  Wouldn't life be boring if all the plans we made came true and we didn't have any surprises? So many different paths are in front of us every day. In the end if you were given the choice of the your life today as it is, or the life you had hoped for as a young woman (but without your son), you know which option you'd choose!  Live in the present, it's the only life we've got, so if there's still some things you want to do, DO them! You'll be dead a long time!  |
Posted 11-09-2008 at 01:44 PM by deebeelicious
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