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Old 12-27-2021, 08:08 PM   #2
ojai22
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: The Galaxy
Posts: 1,495
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Default Re: The CASE of the MISSING Battlestar Galactica

THE CASE OF THE MISSING BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

Chapters 1, 2, and 3 written by OLDWARDAGGIT
Chapter 4 written by ojai22


CHAPTER 1

The names haven't been changed to protect the innocent because we are all about as innocent as a Glenn Larson's web site.


The clock was reading 3:82 and it was a leap year so I was tired from leaping all year. I sat back in my comfy P.J.'s chair - I mean P.I.'s chair and cleaned my Magnum. Yes, I was that kind of investigator: A Magnum P.I.


I was munching on carrots, you know, those little ones that look like a badly smashed-up pumpkin after you puke them up. I was almost falling asleep when a knock was thrown upon my door. All of a sudden I realized that I had forgotten to put the hinges back in and the door was soon lying at my feet.

I looked up to see this lady standing in front of me. She looked up and with a smile she said, "ARE YOU OLDWARDAGGIT?"

I said, "Yes, you're in the right place. However, I'm in my happy place. A bathtub of beer."

Then she looked down at the door and said, "I want you to find a missing show or the door gets it again."

I felt threatened by that accusation so I agreed to take the case.

O.W.D.: Do you have a name?"

The lady who was dressed in black leather spoke up again. "Of course I do."

Then I looked over again and asked, "Can you tell me what it is?"

"Yes, I can," she said.

"Are you going to?" I asked, while standing up and that's when she got puzzled and spoke yet again.

"What's with all the damn questions? If you want to know my name, just ask. It's ojai22. (Pronounced 0H-HI)



O.W.D.: "So what can I do for you?"

Ojai22: " I want you to find a missing show. It was missing for 23 years and was supposed to come out of hiding but didn't. I thought I heard it say peaky-boo a few times but I must have been hearing things. The name of the show is BATTLESTAR GALACTICA and here is a list of all the names and places that I already got."

O.W.D.: "Did you get any tips while getting this stuff?"

Ojai22: "Yeah, a buck thirty-five."

Then with a couple of hops over the door, she was gone without ever telling me how much she was going to pay, but I needed the money no matter how small the check was going to be. I had 3 million dollars in over-due bills chalked up on the Home Shopping Network.


My first stop was Universal. I was just about to walk up to the door when all of a sudden, this car that looked like something straight out of Frankenstein Unbound pulled up. Right down one side of the car you could read THE LANG.

A door lifted up from the car and Lang got out. He was covered from head to toe in body armor and strapped to his shoulder was a huge tomato cannon. After smothering the front of Universal with multiple rounds of rotten tomatoes, I asked him why he was doing this.

LANG: "I can't talk now; I have people to see, studios to do." Then before I knew it he was back in the car and tearing up the front lawn before speeding off.

The next stop on my list was Glen Larson's place but before I could get too far, I was met at the gate by his henchmen. They chased me down the road and cornered me in this dark alley. I took out my very powerful weapon (my rubber chicken) and proceeded to beat one of them over the head with it. It was no use, I was outnumbered.

At the last minute I started to see henchmen falling all over the place. It was Kristi with the Warriors and Rebels. They came to save my butt yet again. Being the irresponsible coward that I am, I snuck out while the fight was still going on.

Back at my office I found RGrant lying on my step, drunk.

RGrant: "Damn it Jim get the nickels why for you poop my pants, AAAAAA The star ticks are out to get me, be it gets canceled."

And then it hit me - No, no, not the power puke that RGrant was having but the words he spoke made perfect sense. He was telling me that after Star Trek was canceled, the fans got their s**t together and now the franchise was making money.

END OF CHAPTER ONE.
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Last edited by ojai22; 01-21-2022 at 08:53 PM..
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